Is it bad to give your boyfriend money? Probably.
Money is a powerful thing. It’s been the root of all evil. Other times, it’s been responsible for wonderful, world-enriching innovation. What does your gut tell you will happen here?
When you go through a financial struggle and come out the other side, it can bond two people together. Alternatively, financial problems can destroy relationships. Only time will tell what it does for you and your boyfriend.
I’ve been helping people get better at money for 20+ years as a financial advisor. I’m honored to be named to Investopedia’s list of the top 100 financial advisors many years running.
What I’m going to talk about applies to any significant other; girlfriend or boyfriend. It’s my goal to help you come to your own conclusion whether you should lend your partner money.
Here’s what we’ll cover:
- Why relationships fail
- Where are you in your relationship
- What if’s
- Is this a red flag?
- A compromise
Let’s get started.
Why relationships fail
Do you know why most marriages fail? Spoiler alert money is one of the top reasons. In fact, money is also one of the top reasons many friendships fail as well. Like I said in the beginning, money is a powerful thing.
One of the other main reasons marriages fail is a lack of communication and a failure to set upfront expectations. So whatever you decide, you had better be prepared to be open and honest with your partner. Failure to do so is a recipe for disaster.
Where are you in your relationship
This matters.
If you’ve been with your partner for a month and they ask for money, it’s a hard no. If you’ve been with them for a year, then it’s a maybe.
Successful relationships are built on commitment. The deeper the commitment, the more comfortable I am sharing money. I think it’s a healthy thing for married couples to treat their money like community property, and to share the same financial goals and values.
Where are you in your relationship? What commitments (if any) have been made?
What if’s
Speaking of getting clear on expectations up front; what happens if this person takes your money and you end up breaking up? What will you do?
What happens if they take a year to pay you back? How will that affect your relationship?
What would your friends say if they knew you were considering doing this? What about your family?
It’s really important for you to think about the answers to these questions.
Is this a red flag?
Why are they asking for money? Are they the next Jeff Bezos, and they need an infusion of capital to start the next Amazon? What do they intend to do with your money?
Are they broke? Are they bad with money? Could them asking you for money be a massive red flag that this isn’t the person you want to be in a relationship with? If yes, it’s better to know this up front.
This could be a blessing in disguise that allows you to avoid making a big mistake and staying in a relationship with the wrong person.
A compromise
Or perhaps this could be a building block for your relationship. A way for you to gauge their willingness to talk openly and to learn new things.
Would they be open to sitting down with someone to talk about their overall financial situation? Would they be open to talking about their long-term financial goals? Is that something you’d be interested in doing with them?
If not, then you shouldn’t give them any money.
If they are open to engaging in greater conversation about money, perhaps that’s a different story.
In service of facilitating a conversation like, you can access our Goals and Values Courses at no cost. They can give you a framework for talking about these important topics.
Closing
Here’s something I know for sure- give no one money you need. If you’re living paycheck-to-paycheck, don’t give them money. If you have credit card debt, don’t give them money. You need to make sure you’ve got some financial security before you give money to other people. That’s true no matter who they are.
Finally, only give it if you’re prepared to never get it back. Most everyone I know has had an unpleasant experience “lending” money to other people. If you’re not prepared to not get it back, don’t give it.
If you’d like help getting on the same page with your partner, check out our Same $ Page Course.
We’ve got three free courses as well: Our Goals Course, Values Course, and our Get Out of Debt course.
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