george grombacher 0:02
Abby to get us started. Give us two truths and a lie.

Abbe Large 0:08
to truth and alive

to truth and a lie Okay, I’ll keep it real simple. Staying home for the holidays.

Unknown Speaker 0:29
Okay

Abbe Large 0:38
I am seriously considering what my halftime report is. Meaning the second half of my life and I am going out to dinner tonight with my family

george grombacher 1:02
Those are good ones Abby. On the fly too. You are not staying home for the holidays.

Abbe Large 1:09
That is true. I know. I that is a lot. That’s not true. I am staying home for the heart.

george grombacher 1:13
Oh, which one is the lie?

Abbe Large 1:17
You have to guess? Oh,

george grombacher 1:18
let’s keep guessing. Okay. You’re not going out for dinner tonight. You’re eating you’re eating at home or something like that. Exactly.

Abbe Large 1:23
Right. Okay. All right. All right. That was a lie.

george grombacher 1:27
Well, well, you got me. Well done. Well done. All right. Yeah.

Abbe Large 1:32
Thank you. Wow, that was tough. Yeah,

george grombacher 1:34
you’re, you’re you’re well, you’re very adept at this game. You’re a good player. Nabi. Well,

Abbe Large 1:40
like I said, I used to play with my kids to try and get them to speak.

george grombacher 1:45
That’s, you mentioned? Yeah. When you pick the kids up in the car, how was school? Fine, good. High. Nine. I’m gonna put that to work myself. So love it.

Abbe Large 1:55
Oh, it’s great. What? Okay, you know,

george grombacher 1:58
I need to pull this string. What’s the tell me about this halftime report?

Abbe Large 2:04
So the halftime report is really interesting to me. Because when you get to, you know, 50 years old and beyond. And then you, you know, you’re in the sandwich years, and you’re taking care of your family, and you’re taking care of your parents, and you’re talking about retirement. And what does that mean? It’s interesting to me, nobody retires anymore. They just do something that they’re passionate about. And they try to hone in on what their Why is and what their purpose is, and how they want to be remembered. And I think that that’s really important to figure out what your legacy is going to be. You know, I, I saw, I heard a story about the inventor of dynamite. Do you know who invented dynamite? I don’t. Okay, so the gentleman that invented Dynamite was a twin. He had a twin brother. And he opened up the paper and saw his his brother had passed. And he opened up the paper to see the obituary, but the newspaper made a mistake, and instead talked about the brother that’s still alive. And he was the person that invented dynamite. So I think the title of the obituary was

like, mechanic of, you know, destruction or something like that. Or it was something really like, Oh, my God, I’m reading like, he’s reading this, and thinking, this weapons of mass destruction, and this is my legacy, like, killing people. And it was it was he was gobsmacked by this. It was just so. And he decided in that moment, how horrified that he was that he was going to take his entire fortune and start the Nobel Peace Prize. Well, Albert Nobel, was the inventor of dynamite. And when he saw that his legacy, while he was live, was, you know, the killer of the world or being part of that. He decided to change that legacy. And now look at all at the Nobel Peace Prize, which is what recognizes the brilliance of all these people in the world. And that’s what he’s known for. So that is an interesting that is very interesting story for me, because that’s the definition of the very definition of legacy.

george grombacher 5:00
The Amazing Force of Will right there. Right?

Abbe Large 5:05
I know. And so it really makes you think like, how do you want to be remembered? So I asked my clients a lot what, what their halftime report is. And it’s interesting when people say, they don’t even some of them don’t even understand what that means. But we spend decades in the accumulation phase of all our lives and just accumulating, accumulating and spending and saving and accumulating and then when distribution happens, and preservation happens, it’s a whole different ballgame. And someone quite wealthy, I think it was Bill Gates said, it’s harder to give money away than it is to earn it. Which I thought was interesting, but I don’t know the world is. It’s happening too fast. Things are happening that I never dreamt I would be living through. I literally think I might have to, like, create a bunker in my backyard. I don’t know, I just, it’s a little bit scary. But at the same time, I am trying to live in the now and be in the moment. And actually, if you think about it being in the moment is really quite difficult. Because then someone will ask you, Oh, would you have for breakfast today? I don’t know. I don’t know. That’s a silly example. But living in the now is I think there’s a book by Eckhart Tolle called The Power of Now. It’s an interesting book. But it’s it’s all about the skills on how to learn how to be in the present moment, which which people think is easy, but it’s really isn’t. Because there’s so many responsibilities. So I don’t know, I think. I also think COVID screwed up a lot of people. For sure. Right? Like I think, I don’t know, just just there’s so much going on right now in the world. And to try to navigate that and to try to create a legacy for your family and doing the right thing it. I don’t know. I don’t mind having a glass that to kill every now and again to talk it over.

george grombacher 7:38
Sometimes Sometimes that is the necessary delivery mechanism for finding yourself in the right state and, and space to be having this kind of conversation and thinking these kinds of thoughts. I think there’s so much wisdom in what you’ve been talking about. I love the Albert Nobel story. It’s amazing. And it made me think that sometimes when we get bad news, we get a diagnosis of some kind that I’m not well, or somebody I care for something bad happens to that’s that sobering moment that says, Oh my gosh, it snaps hold water to the face reality hits us and says, Is this what I want? And yeah, I guilty of living in the past or thinking about the future instead of doing what needs to be done right now. And there’s so much going on. That is terrifying. And I feel powerless to what’s going on with most of it. And I’ll throw in Eckhart Tolle kind of a saying it’s from Jack Kornfield. He says you need to attend to the parts of the garden you can touch.

Abbe Large 8:39
Yeah, there’s another saying that it says the grass isn’t necessarily greener. On the other side. It’s greener, where you water it. One of my favorites. Yeah, that’s a good one, too. I, I find, maybe I’m stretching this a bit. But I find people to be very different now than they used to be. And maybe it’s because of technology. And maybe it’s because everyone’s addicted to their phones. And maybe it’s because you know, nobody speaks to each other. Nobody gets out of their seats and goes to an office to talk to somebody anymore. So life is changing. And I’d like to hold on to the way it was. I don’t know I really well, getting off your seat and going to somebody’s office to talk to them versus an email. For starters, your starters, right? I think I think the humanity part of our relationships are diminishing the humanity part and, you know, going out to dinner and having no phone available. You know, it’s interesting. Have you ever left your phone at home?

george grombacher 9:53
Intentionally? I intentionally do as often as I can. Yeah,

Abbe Large 9:58
well, you It is a freedom. And so ironic is that when people have a phone, they feel like there’s freedom, because they have the phone, but yet I disagree at some points, but yeah, I don’t know, I It’s the end of the year, right January starts the new year, it starts a new year for everybody. For businesses for, you know, for relationships for you know, goal setting. It’s an interesting time of year, and I don’t know, I, I never really, I used to set goals all the time at the beginning of the year, and then I stopped for a little bit, and then I started up again. And I’m finding that the goal, the goal writing, is just really holding myself accountable. But the goals, I think, as soon as you decide to do something, that the deciding is the most important part because you can talk about it. You can talk about it with other people, you can think about it, you can dream about it, but it’s different than deciding. So you know, you’re in your 50s. And then you have to decide, okay, now what? Some people work until they can’t work anymore. And that’s that and they love what they’re doing. Some people have to work, they can’t retire, some people are forced into the workforce, because they lost their shirt with the markets. There’s all these things. So I don’t know, how do you put that into something that makes sense. And I think you’re doing such great stuff, George with your podcasting, because you’re talking about all of this stuff. And people don’t necessarily talk openly about it or publicly about it. They keep it to themselves, or they act out or their self doubt or there’s imposter syndrome, or do you know what I mean by that?

george grombacher 12:14
100% It’s something that I’ve it’s interesting, in something, some aspects of my life, I just do things, I have this self assuredness, that is probably misplaced. But I just go ahead and do things. But then there’s other things that I really wanted to do in the back of my mind, or in my heart that my limiting beliefs stop me from doing. And once I recognize those, I was literally thinking the other day, I’m like, okay, you know, I’d really like to do more speaking. And these are ideas that I want to share and get out. And I realized, well, if you want to do that, then just go ahead and do it. Nobody’s gonna give you permission. There’s not a better time than today. I’m not gonna get any younger, and I still have plenty of time and energy. So now

Abbe Large 13:05
Have I ever told you the buffalo story? The Buffalo and the cow story?

george grombacher 13:09
I’m not sure.

Abbe Large 13:13
So there is a place in Montana that has the only place in the country that cows and buffaloes migrate together. And they did a little study of how they behave when they see a storm coming over the horizon. And if you know anything about cows, they run very slowly. So when they see a storm coming over the horizon, they run away from the storm. And because they run so slowly, the storm is eventually catching up to them. And their pain and suffering is prolonged. buffalos on the other hand, when they see a storm coming over the horizon, they head towards the storm. And so they run through it. And their pain and suffering is a lot less. So it’s a metaphor for my family. Because if things get you know, you’re afraid to talk to somebody about something that’s bothering you, or you want to fix something, but you’re just afraid of whatever that is. It’s been this metaphor in my family, because we’re not we’re a bunch of buffaloes, like just just get through it. Just face it. Have the conversation. Do what you need to do, and stop running away from it. And so, don’t don’t judge my family. All right, but we all got a tattoo of a buffalo. I love that. Here’s mine. We all have the exact same tattoo. And it is a constant reminder for me. I look at it a lot because there are times where I just don’t want to do it. I don’t want to say it. Do it. Go through it. And then I look at this buffalo and I know you got to go through it, you got to get through it. And I find that as awkward as it is as afraid as you are as uncomfortable in your own skin during that process. When you come out on the other side, it is such a better result. And then that’s an that’s in your past. And you’ve learned from it, grow from it. experience with it. And yeah, so that that is that is. That is a, that is a thing that my family and I live by.

george grombacher 15:45
I think it’s super powerful. And you probably do it without the tattoo. But when you see it gives you that little bit of a reminder. Yeah,

Abbe Large 15:59
it definitely does. I’ll give you an example. My older two children moved into the city and when they were born, they were three months old when 911 hit. And I remember being in New York City and my three months old, they’ve twins and they were sick. They were laying on my bed and my husband was supposed to go to the Trade Center at 830 That morning, and he’s never late. And he caught my TV wasn’t on the babies were on the bed and he calls and says I’m fine. I said what are you talking about? He said, turn the TV on. Oh, my God said, What on earth? He said I was supposed to be there. I was running late. I was like, Are you kidding me? Right? Anyway, fast forward. I watched in horror that day of what happened. And then my children are moved into the city to start their lives and careers. And one of them lives in Tribeca. The other one lives in the financial district. And in between them is the memorial for 911 and I have not been there for 20 since it happened. I couldn’t find myself to I couldn’t go to see the memorial. No, I’ve heard there’s a lot of water. I heard. Have you been there? I have. Okay, no one told me what the water did. And when I walk in, okay, so So I’m walking. And all of a sudden, I come to a complete stop. And I realized that I’m about to walk through this memorial, and I’ve never been there yet. And my daughter says we can walk around it if you’d like. And I looked at my buffalo tattoo. I said no, I have got to go through this. Yeah, I do this now. And so of course I did. And I and the architect that designed this really nailed it because I was a hot mess for good 20 minutes. And just 22 years of just emotions came out and the people’s names that were on the bricks and the water. It was just oh my god, it was really powerful. And then I’m looking at my 22 year old daughter who used to be three months old. And the turn just that this the turn of events of how now they’re in the city and what’s between them as this memorial. It was just And what’s even crazier is the first day of my daughter’s first day on her job, starting her career for life was on 911. September 911, this year, it was really weird. But everything comes full circle, it seems you know, like this is a stretch, but when there’s a forest fire fires need to happen for for for, for them to read. get reborn, if that makes sense. So it was a very powerful moment. And it was it was interesting how fast it happened. The time that has gone by and what has transpired since then. So I don’t know. I don’t know why I brought this up. But oh, it was about the buffalo story going through that. Yeah, so I’m a better person for it. For sure.

george grombacher 19:24
We have all these superpowers as human beings. But rationalization, our ability to rationalize our situations is that but it’s more of a weapon of mass destruction because we rationalize why we decide to not be the buffalo. We rationalize if you know what I just don’t feel like doing the things that I know that I ought to do. I’m just I don’t feel like having that conversation with my XYZ person with my kid today or my business partner or my husband today. You know, and that just keeps us from the lives that we really want versus is being the buffalo turning into the storm, knowing that it’s not going to feel great, but it’s the better path because you will get through faster. Yeah,

Abbe Large 20:09
precisely. That’s exactly right. And we talked earlier about the buffalo, the cow, and then the respect understanding and appreciation that when you’re going through all of these things, you have to keep all of that in mind, respecting people, understanding them and appreciating them. And I feel that when you’re in a relationship, maybe you have two of them, and one of them’s missing. Maybe all three are missing. But it’s a check point. Am I being respected today? Am I being understood today, and I’m being appreciated today. And if you’re not feeling those things, I think it’s also important to be that Buffalo and speak up in an in a nice way, of course, in a professional way, but to speak up regardless because I don’t think it’s healthy to keep festering. And we talked about your life, right? Is your financial health, physical health, mental health, emotional health, but it’s all encompassing. You know, so. And I also find people to be a little bit more difficult these days. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. But

george grombacher 21:34
well, no, I think I think it’s, it’s our we have lost our ability to be bored and to be contemplative. And to be just sit quietly in our thoughts, because we have our phones that just automatically allow us to change our disposition and to satiate ourselves instead of doing the things that we used to do. So yeah, for sure. People are different.

Abbe Large 22:04
Yeah. Yeah, I I’m switching topics at the moment, because it was just on my mind yesterday, I was, I was watching. I heard a story about this show that very heavy people like I think it’s 1000 pound sisters, or something. I don’t know, I heard this story. And it made me think about how people can, I’m totally switching topics, but how they how people can grow their own vet fruits and vegetables and for free, like they can do it for free. And what’s really infuriating is that they’re not being taught to do this, but yet, they’re being taught to spend less money to buy crap food and be unhealthy. And the crap food affects their emotions, their physical, their physicality, their, their, their, their brains at everything. And it’s this perpetual problem. And so I wish that more people would talk about, just put setting up a garden, save the apples in your apple, save the app, save the seeds from your spaghetti squash, save the seeds from your cucumbers, save all your seeds, and just plant them in the backyard. You’ll have fresh food. And it’s free. I don’t know, I’m totally switching topics, right?

george grombacher 23:32
Yes, yes. And no. I mean, we started talking about our our halftime report. And I just I thought recently about the idea of what if we live for 1000 years? And then the next one was what if we just live for one year? You know, how would How would that change our perception and our behaviors and activities and our outlook and all those kinds of things. But we’re talking about living 100 years. So when I’m around 50, I can reevaluate what’s going on. And I think it’s an incredibly healthy, healthy thing to be reevaluating our existence. If it’s New Year’s resolutions, or this is a time around the holidays where you get a little bit of time off, to contemplate and think about, Do I want to be 1000 pounds? Do I want to do X, Y or Z? Is this the life that I want to carry on next year, for the next 50 years. And I have the ability to choose all of it. I get to choose how I feel about everything. Nobody gets to choose that for me. But we surrender that because we’re just spinning. We’re just we’re going through the motions and being carried along by the currents of life. So I think what you’re talking about is germane to what we’ve been talking about the whole time.

Abbe Large 24:52
Yeah. Yeah. You’ve heard of Simon Sinek Right. Yeah, he speaks a lot about this generation of technology and leadership. And I like a lot of the things that he says, one of the things that he says that is so true is about these, you know, the, the connection that people are making, we’re losing that, how to communicate with people. It’s the art of communication is being lost. The art of reading somebody’s body language is being lost, because we’re not in front of them anymore as much. And that part I, I would love to change. It is concerning to me that everybody holds on to their phone as if it was part if it was like growing on their body, like if it was part of their body. And what’s really freaking me out is that it’s listening to us. Then there’s that. So I don’t know, I don’t know, I, it comes to a point where you get to an age where you want to pay it forward. You want to make your mark in this world and leave it better than you found it. And I don’t know, I just think that as we get older, the circle of friends become smaller, the activities become more intensified, because that’s what you’re focused on. There’s not that many more, there’s not as many distractions, but you got to weed out that. And I think, and I think this holiday season is going to be good for a lot of people because I think people just need to take a breath. And so that’s why I’m staying home. I need a breath. I need to breathe. I love it. You know, sitting home by a fire with your family. Ain’t nothing better than that. That sounds pretty great. I know. Are you traveling

george grombacher 27:23
to Cuba? You were talking about earlier? Oh, my God, that class

Abbe Large 27:25
to tequila. Right.

george grombacher 27:26
Let’s go. We were

Abbe Large 27:31
going on. Good tequila. Sorry.

george grombacher 27:38
It absolutely is absurd. Inflation is impacting every part of our lives, gas at the pump, towards Cuba, and everything else, you

Abbe Large 27:50
know, but the good news is, is that the feds have have mentioned that they’re slowly going to be reducing interest rates. And I’m really hoping that this starts leveling off because inflation is outrageous. Yeah. So I

george grombacher 28:07
have I have implicit confidence in our government and our leaders. So I’m sure that this is all going to be cleared up in no time, Abby. Oh,

Abbe Large 28:15
well, that was that that was passed. By

george grombacher 28:23
buddy. That’s awesome. Abby, we’re ready for your difference making tip even though you give it a son a lot. You’ve given us a lot of them. What do you think?

Abbe Large 28:43
Think one of the biggest differences that you can make for yourself and for other people is a few things. Number one is to be an owner of your own shit. I think that is so important. Because when you are an owner of your own shit, then people don’t necessarily you know, it’s like I own it. Okay, not perfect. This is my faults. This is my character flaw. I own it. And there’s something acceptable about that. And it’s when people I think, ignore that and get defensive by it. There’s there’s this conflict. So I think reducing conflict is recognizing your own character flaws. And saying out loud, I’m not good at this. I need help or Yeah, I really suck at this and you know, or this is not my best character trait. Can you help me? I think that is a big thing. To recognize that you’re not perfect. You’ve got the flaws. Everybody’s got Bam, you’re not alone. It’s pretty universal. I think self doubt is universal. I think impostor syndrome is universal. And I think admitting all of this to, to people, to just be your intention becomes different for people and the relationships. I think that’s one of the things. And the other thing is compassion. Just compassion and also deep listening, deep listening, and trusting that what comes out of your mouth after you are deeply listening to someone, trusting your intuition that what that allowing yourself to completely take in what someone’s saying, as opposed to thinking about what you’re going to be saying next. And not truly listening to that person. That’s a that’s an interesting exercise. But what it takes is patience. And so I would say, to give yourself patient more patience with yourself. I think people are very impatient, these days with themselves and with others. And I think just taking a step back, and maybe not answering the question right away and saying, I don’t know, I need to think about it. Let me let me noodle on that. Let me get back to you. I used to not do that. And now I am. And I think the intentionality of the thought process is more meaningful. So there it is. Well,

george grombacher 31:40
I think that that is great stuff. Abby, that definitely gets a cup of you. Thank you so much. Come on. Come on, come

Abbe Large 31:47
on. Oh, come on.

george grombacher 31:49
Let’s go. Let’s go. Well, it’s always so wonderful to talk to you tell us skin, how people can get in touch with you learn more more about you and engage.

Abbe Large 32:02
I would love for people to get in touch with me to talk about life or their finances or planning or whatever it is, I just enjoy having meaningful conversations with people and helping them along the way and they can reach me always on the website, Linux advisors.com. Eliane OXADV, i s o r s.com. LinkedIn, I am on LinkedIn, of course, and my email address a large at Linux advisors.com.

george grombacher 32:43
Excellent. Well, if you’re enjoying this as much as I did, show me your appreciation, share today’s show with a friend who also appreciates good ideas. Go to Linux advisors.com. And find Abby on LinkedIn as well and get in touch. Talk about life finances, planning. Figure out if you have your halftime report in order and figure out how you can be more buffalo less cow. Figure out how you can own your shit. And then ask for help when when you need it. Because spoiler alert, we all experience those negative bad feelings and it’s way better to be the bison and take that head on versus trying to pretend like it’s going to go away because it’s not.

Abbe Large 33:29
Thanks, GAVI that stuff, George, thank you.

george grombacher 33:33
And finally, a friendly reminder. There’s never going to be anybody more interested in your financial success than you are. So act accordingly. Amen.